The silence can be deafening!!

I didn't sleep well last night. I tossed and turned and prayed about what I'm about to do. Not that I think I'm making a mistake. Not at all. I know for me this is sooo important. But about my vanity! Yeah. One thing that's driving me now is my stomach. It looks so bad. I've been fat all of my life. I'm used to it. But in the last few years I have grown a belly. I used to be able to hide it, but not anymore. It's there for all the world to see. See I told you I was vaine.Anyway. I pray constantly that God will give me the grace and the wisdom to accept the body that I will soon have. I really don't recommend this surgery for the young. It's too drastic, you have such a long life ahead and you don't want to spend it with a re-wired metabolism. That's my perspective. As I've said a hundred times I'm gonna be 50 ( now in just a few short weeks). My skin is not what it used to be. I can see the effects of the years of carrying this weight very obviously now. My wirnkled arms are sad. My hands although they are very skinny, dang near boney, they are the hands of an elderly woman. My inner thighs cry out for some support. Why does this bother me now when it never did before?Were my feelings hidden? Is it that the 50 is screaming so loudly that I can't just ignore it? Or is it simply that I see the light at the end of the tunnel and I have no rose colored glasses to view it with? Is the reality of looking old coming too quick to suddenly?Whatever the reason. I thank God daily for giving me this opportunity to make a long awaited and important change. I know this will be good for me. I want to be on the loosers bench so bad I can taste it!