Tuesday, December 30, 2008

I must have drank soap... cuz I'm FOAMIN'

I've had a tough day.... I have been craving something all day... nothing particular nor satisfying. But I tried. So tonight out of desperation I asked DH to get me some chinese soup, wonton..... that's all it took. I vomited ( which normally has brought nasty but quick releif not today!!! It's been an hour and I'm still feeling AWFUL! I want it to end. But you sow what you reap. I've been foaming for about 1/2 hour no end in sight!!

Monday, December 29, 2008

I'm always sick or full.

Hmm not sure what's going on for me but everyday I'm sick either full or foods not sitting right. It doesn't matter what I eat! Everyday is tough but that really helps me throught the Holidays not much food for faye! LOL.Hopefully I'll feel better come the new year and still lose weight!

Friday, December 26, 2008

199 and feeling fine!

This was one of my goals....to be under 200! First time I ever remember being under 200lbs. I still look fat but who cares.... the scales not lying ( this time LOL). I can wear my hubbys jacket ( large mens) my 12 yr old 90lb sons sweatshirt ( large boys) now to be honest it fits and zips but if I were to move too much it would burst the zipper. LOL. But I can get it on! The bra that fits best is a 38D!!! The only smaller size I can remember is 7th grade 36 C... Yikes. I cannot eat so many things. Puerto Rican rice makes me "foam" regular rice goes okay but no more than a table spoon. I'm getting in almost all the required liquids as long as I stick to hot tea. I feel good though and I don't think I look ill. Everyday I have a problem eating... very uncomfortable but at least the weights coming off again. So it don't matter how yucki I feel. it passes. My hair is coming out!!

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Get the Cramp outta here!

on December 18, 2008 4:11 amPublished
For the last couple of years, everytime I've bent over I would feel a really strong cramp in my upper abdomen. It got to the point I would try to contort myself whenever I had to pick something up so that I could avoid the pain. Yesterday I noticed the cramp is gone. I bent over no problem!!! I never told anyone about this because I knew it was due to too much belly fat! Too embarrasing. Losing this much weight in a short period of time is hard to grasp. I look in the mirror and see a difference, I look in the scale and see it moving (albeit slowly) but I don't see what others see, a supposedly, enormous change. It's that old tale, once you're fat you never go back... NO WAIT NOT THAT ONE!! It's once you're fat you never see anyone other than a fat chick looking back at you in the mirror!!! Yeah that's the one. NOT like I'm skinny by anymeans but I think I'm probably thinner than what I see.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Hair Falling out!

Well it's happened my hair is falling out. It's been going for a year now, but I can see it more rapidly in the last couple of days. But I knew it would come, I'm just hoping it's not too bad. And what I do lose comes back.My appetite is pretty low right now. Just not in the mood to eat more cheese I guess. That's all that's really going down well. That and hot tea, matter of fact that's how I'm getting my liquids all hot tea all day, about 5-6 10 oz cups! Just not hungry though. No, really, Faye's not hungry??

Friday, November 21, 2008

I was off by a week but...

I was off by a week, it's been over 3 weeks, Oct. 29th is when I stopped losing weight. I called in to KP fremont and spoke to the nurse. She then alerted Dr. Chu about my "plateau". She again told me the same thing "not to worry" I lost so much in the first month that I shouldn't be concerned. My body may be in starvation mode. I'm not getting enough calories, and so on. BUT When I was calling about the "pain" for weeks with no one listening, once I screamed loud enough, I was told it was gastritis and here's some medicine that will fix the problem. I don't think until KP Tracy got involved did she stop to listen.So now I'm bloated every day, and I have not only not lost but gained, count them 7 lbs!! I think there's something else wrong. But I cannot get her to understand.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

No weight change yet! Nearly 4 wks. eeek! [Edit Post]

I guess my body either thinks it likes being fat in spite of the surgery, or I'm not eating enough or NOT even such a drastic measure can help this fat chick. Relax, just kidding.I'm about to email my Dr. I am feeling bloated. My stomach feels huge. I'm still on carafate but not as often. I feel a real need for a (pardon me) bowel movement. I just don't feel satisfied after I go. I dunno what to think. But over all I feel fine other than this current problem. No dizziness in about 4 days or so.Good news? Well I used to have to get up a minimum of 2x's a night to go pee, darn diabetes, but now I just don't. That's good that means when I can sleep I don't get interrupted with that.I was bored this morning so I went to Walmart to walk around. I stopped in the Women's clothing section and tired on several things in an 18 that fit! And a pair of slacks in a 16 that fit too. All I bought was a little top in an 18 but I got it off of the clearance rack for $3. That's a first!!!Over the weekend we went to Mervyn's closeout sale, most of which was NOT Mervyn's product, the quality was that of clothing you might find in the DOLLAR store. But they had a few things that were still of quality. I bought 1 top, 1 SouthPole short and a dress short and a pair of heels. Along with what my son got it only cost $50!!! Yipee!!! I haven't worn the heels yet. I'm a little afraid, I've had bad ankles for years but they feel better now so we'll see this Sunday! Here’s something so strange to me. When I wore a 22 I could hold the clothing up and decide if it would fit just by holding it up. I can still do that. So weird I guess I can feel what fits without trying it on. I mean you’d think it would take a while to adjust but no! Hmmm.

Friday, November 14, 2008

6 WK Post Op Check up! [Edit Post]

So I saw the surgeon on Wed. I didn't have any real news to post so I didn't. She's not a bit concerned about me NOT losing anymore weight. I mean I know I lost 27lbs within the first month. But now, nothing for nearly 3 wks. I go up and down 2-4lbs. I think it's too early to plateau. She did say that I'm only getting in about 50% of the protein I need to get in daily. Honestly, that's on a good day. She also recommended I eat protein all day long everytime I can. I still cannot tolerate the protein drinks. So this is very hard. I feel so full like a stuffed pig!!! The bloating kinda came back yesterday. The Dr. put me on my final stage ( stage 4 ) diet which is pretty much where I'll be for the rest of my life. So I got brave yesterday and had about 1t. full of egg with chorizo ( I removed all the oil as it cooked ) with a 4" corn torilla with cheese. I couldn't get that down. I felt bloated. So at lunch I shared a 4" soft pork taco with my DH. I couldnt get much down then either. Last night for DH's bday we went to Italian I had a piece of Chicken Carbonara, 1t of some creamy potato and spinach soup. I got most of the piece of chicken down. But later last night I was really bloated. I got up bloated and have been so all day. Oh and when you're bloated drinking is very hard. I NEED the fluid I know that. So today, I've had cheese, that same soup from last night & some turkey with gravy and about 2t of plain mashed potatoes ( sorry but I'm so tired of protein ). How do I feel? B-L-O-A-T-E-D!!!

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

I can't believe it!

No weight loss to date! It’s killing me. After all I’ve been through you’d think I’d lose something! But alas I’m just waiting. I’m trying to be patient. For my update. I’m feeling really well. No pain no upset stomach. I have been able to eat some chicken, which is supposed to be one of the hardest things to digest or get down. I have been able to get really really small amounts of ground beef down, well it was in an over cooked soup. I’ve had crab salad on a cracker, went down well and stayed down. I’ve also had teeny tiny pieces of pork. I am glad NO vomiting or dumping so far. I know it sounds like I’m not being careful but I really am. I can still eat no more than ½ of a scrambled egg. I’m most grateful for being able to drink again. I can drink more than a tiny sip! I do best with hot/warm liquids but I can drink cold also. But that’s just teas and my Kellogg’s K20 protein water. I now have another problem though, I get so dizzy. My BP was good so that’s not it. I’d eaten so that’s not it. Tomorrow I go for my 6 wk check up with my surgeon. Hopefully I’ll get to my fourth and final stage of foods. I’m craving some lettuce, believe it or not.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Soooo much better!

Hello everyone, Can you tell I’m feeling good? I’m doing wonderfully. I’m feeling better every day and I have accomplished a lot. I’m pain free. My only thing now is I think I need to reduce my BP meds cuz I get dizzy if I move around too much or too quickly. While ( finally ) getting to really clean my house I kept getting dizzy spells. But I just sat till it passed. I cooked for company and it all went well. So I’m back BABY. No more weight loss, but I’m being patient!

Friday, October 31, 2008

This is CRAZY

First off no weight change in days. Still 211. So all the pain last night the belly portion is better. But the breast pain persisted so bad today that I went in to Kaiser the doctor determined the breast pain is most likely an inflamed chest bone or high rib. The pain is in the bone when she pressed the bone there was the pain but it does shoot through the breast. So she recommended higher doses of Tylenol due to my inablitiy to take NSAIDS or Narcotics. Called the surgeon and found that I can take a Toradol shot, now just waiting for them to let me know when I can come in.So the turkey must have been to large for me yesterday, because I was in pain all night.

And the day only got worse.

It's 12:42am and I can't sleep! After the whole dehydration thing this morning I stopped at the grocery store and got a deli slice of turkey and some gravy. It went down well. Maybe too well I've been sick now for over 12 hours. I mean in soooo much belly pain. I just wanna cry. It's like that full feeling I had days ago only so much worse. Usually if I go to sleep I wake up better NOT the case. Nothing's helping. My nerves are wrecked. I also have some serious breast pain. Straight through the nipple. No relief. I've been praying all day. My DH prayed but no relief as yet. I wanna scream! I have so much to do in the next few days with the funeral of my hubbys Aunt. I've been feeling so good we made plans with friends for Saturday night and of course our friday night ritual which I haven't been able to do, take my stepson to the bay area, then shop for some much needed clothes. As of right now I wanna cancel everything!! I guess I'll just have to wait and see. Please keep me in your prayers. I'm so tired. I need some peace in this old body.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Talk about exciting.

I got up feeling good. I got ready for my day, a little early as a matter of fact so that I could meet a dear friend. But alas not to be.After being up for quite sometime I began to make my kids lunch, I began to feel dizzy. I've been feeling dizzy off and on for a few days now but this was worse. So I checked the blood sugar, they were fine, and then I took my Blood Pressure. 100/60 and 106/54 and 97/52. All way to low for me. So I called the call center at Kaiser of course they wanted me to have someone rush me in to Manteca ( the hospital that is bent on me having a heart attack) I declined and asked for a Dr. appt in Tracy. So I took the boys to school, late and went in to the dr. The tested my BP like 5 times all low then checked for dehydration. Sure enough. The sent me to get an IV and poof my BP rose to a normalish rate. It ruined my day but I'm glad I got that taken care of. Now if I could only drink I'd be good.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

My Apologies for not posting!!!

Sorry for not posting. I know there are some of you who check in me daily. Thanks.I'm down to 211. And I can eat a little better. Crab chowder with some chopped up fresh shrimp A pumpking concoction I created with eggs, milk a little flour and spices, tasted great and got in some protein.I've been feeling much better overall. I'll post a picture later today for some humor. LOL.

My Buddy Jessica

My dear buddy Jessica goes in for her surgery tomorrow. I really appreciate this girl. She was instrumental in me getting in early. Please keep her in your prayers. She's a wonderful person, I'm praying for great success in this. She's got a young family that will be at her side. All of your prayers so welcomed. Jessica, go go girl!!

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

what's up! All kinds of adventures!!!

Okay today I'm drinking the phospho soda! All I ate was some cereal early this a.m. I weighed in at 241 this morning. NOW --- Wait for it......243? What the heck it's not my scale don't try to console me with that! It's just how my body works. LOL. AND----I've been so consumed with getting my work in order that I forgot to get my blood work done yesterday. So of course I remember at 4:30 am and panic. I jumped out of bed showered got ready for bed, took the kids to school and high tailed my butt to Kaiser got my blood work done. Praise God most of the results are already in. And got an email from the Dr. that everythings good!!! Thank you JESUS that when I'm week you're my strength!!!

Hope that losing side is not has room for me!!!

All over this site that I go to for advise, people comment on "now being on the losing side of the bench". In less than 24 hours I'll be there too! I thank God for his faithfulness when I'm not.I thank God for his goodness when I'm not.I thank God for his mercy, when there are times I show little to none.I thank God for his LOVE, when there are times I show no love.I thank God for his promises when I cannot keep mine.I thank God for his commitment when I cannot keep mine.I know that God has brought me this far by HIS grace!I'm so looking forward to lessening the amounts of meds I have to take. I'm swallowing 13 pills at a time. Taking an average of 4 insulin shots a day. How did this happen? I did it to myself. The utter lack of self control brought me to this point. So now I need to have this radical thing done to my body to enable me to try to alleviate the diseases that have plagued me for years. You cannot really tell anyone to make these changes. It won't work!!! It's something that has to happen from the inside. If you want to help someone suffering from being "heavy". Just pray for them, that the will gain the self control they need, and that they will "come to that place". I hope to post soon. Keep me in your prayers.

Monday, September 29, 2008

We'll just see!

I thought my last day to eat was gonna be consumed with my "final meals" But oddly enough today ( so far ) I don't feel like that at all, I'm actually being extra careful. I guess subconsciously I don't want to have to "extract" too much. LOL!!!

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Just a THREE short days away now!!

What do you get when you cross a 240 lb woman with a speeding clock? I dunno either but we'll soon find out!!! I cannot believe how fast time is flying. Today in it self was a blur!!! We went to church, oh BTW incase I haven't said how good God is recently lemme tell you he's awesome. He's the just in time God. My Butcah has been working nights for a while. It's definately had its ups and downs. There have been wonderful aspects of these hours for him. But there have been some difficulties. But God being God, we just found out that DH goes back to work days at his regular position on MONDAY! Yipee. AND That will not affect his time off for my surgery. Anyway back to church, I was so happy that they prayed for my surgery. I got lots of encouragement today which does mean alot. Okay back to what OH is really for. I'm not sure but I think the iron pills I started is making me constipated!! For the last few days I felt pretty junkie, then early, I mean early this morning it turned around. So all day today it was like where's the next bathroom.

Friday, September 26, 2008

Just 5, count them 5 days!

Everyone's asking if I'm nervous. Hmm I guess I can say overall no. But if I let my self I could potentially work myself up to "nervous". But I just don't have time for it. I have lots to do! And more importantly. God didn't bring me this far to drop me now. This whole thing has come so fast in comparison to others at Fremont Kaiser that I've talked to. Not that I think anything other than God knows what you want, when you need it and the best way for you to have it. And God knows I'm so ready. I've finally come to the point where this is the most important thing next to God and my family. I mean this is it for me. It's truly now or never.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Dang computer

I had this whole long disertation on my first WLS support group. But I lost it. So short version, really glad I went. came back with positive input

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Those chicks had NO shame!

Went to a waterpark today, I love them. I love to get on the lazy river and either walk it over and over or to float on it. But it's also a great place to people watch. And watch we did!Why is it when I was younger there were so few of us FAT chicks? And now the majority seems fat. Not that I'm complaining that I'm losing the attention or anything, but I could NOT find a boyfriend back then, I was too fat. Now all the FAT chicks have their men, some rather good looking too. Not to be a hater, I've done pretty well for my self I must say but.... I'm just saying I notice stuff like that.And why is it that all these Fat chicks don't have enough self respect to cover up the "not so flattering parts"? I mean if you're fat and you insist on a bathing suite when you're layin out tanning, CLOSE YOUR DARN LEGS! Really! It was frightening how much of the uglies we saw with out tryin. I'm not a prude really, nor am I Modest, but ya gotta have limits!! I'll where a short skirt or shorts all day long, but I know what unapealing is and I don't need to show my unapealing side. Sorry just wanted to vent!!! LOL In case you're wondering I wore a t-shirt ( because NO ONE needs to see the skin on my arms float in the water LOL). And shorts.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

When life throws you lemons, grab the salt and suck on it.

on August 12, 2008 9:35 am
I don't know why that happens, The Law of Substitution that is. ( I just made that up because I'm a deep thinker like that) The Law of Substitution is defined by if you can't have what you want -- find another damaging desire to fill the void. I LOVE sugar I've said it before. I pray to HATE it, to hate the flavor the calories the thought of sweets. God has not blessed me with this as yet. But God is, afterall, the JIT got, he's never there when YOU want it but his always Just In Time. Not because he wants us to stress, but to teach us to depend on him, he knows all and will take care of everything in HIS time.So now that I'm pushing myselft to stay away from sugars, not as hard as I should. I now crave Salt/Sour! Lemons with salt, Cucumbers with salt, chili and lemon etc. But if I will now have to be more concerened than ever with ulcers then what the heck am I doing? Trading one deadly "sin'" for another?

Lord! Give Me Strength. I need to NOT have the cravings, I need to crave the good food that I don't normally like. The only GOOD food I love is cabbage--- but theres a drawback there -- it's a gas maker. I want to crave vegetables!! Okay! that's my prayer God grant me a vegetable craving (if I have to have one at all).

Friday, August 8, 2008

I fell off the wagon!

Dang, now that I hit goal. I of course started to relax. Stuuuuuupid. Now it's hard to get back on track. My kids will be back in school shortly and I'm looking forward for that to help me. I'm also going to buy my protein drink today. I'll use more of that. My samples have run out! I find I loved one and hated a couple. Here's my view of what I bought and how I liked them:ISO Pure Low Carb Dutch Chocolate-- okayIDS Multi-Pro Whey Isolate Belgian Chocolate-- Really good flavor Optimum 100% Whey Cookies and Creme- THE WORST. SMELL HORRIBLE AND TASTED NASTY-- REMINDED ME OF URINE!ProScore 100 Chocolate-- okay, flavor was pretty fairProComplex Chocolate Ice Cream- Terrible. Didn't like it at all. I stuck with chocolates, because in slimfast or glucerna drinks I didn't like the strawberry so I've been afraid. I'll order more samples from www.vitalady.com and try some vanillas. I didn't like the drink I got from GNC, it was in a bottle like a soda, non carbonated, but I just couldn't finish it. The flavor was just not there for me!

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

I have news!!

I got a call from Kaiser Radiology today. They called to schedule me for an ultrasound (8/15). I didn't know why so I called in to Kaiser and spoke to the coordinator. She says the Dr. wants to make sure I don't have any gall stones. If so they plan to take my gall bladder out while they're in there. She also said I'm 15 on Dr.'s waiting list. So we're looking at Nov. But she ASKED if I wanted to get on the cancellation list. And of course I said absolutely!! So now I just wait for my results, then wait for someone to back out or reschedule then wait for her to call the 14 people before me and THEN it's time. I'm okay with this! I will have time to get my legalities in order. Make arrangements for my kids. And lose a couple of more lbs. Not a bad day!!!

Thursday, July 31, 2008

God shows us stuff in the little things.

Talk about bad news. My husband's job is very slow. So slow they may lay him off. Only worked 2 days this week. If he gets laid off the would have us lose our insurance. Even if I get the surgery, I would not have insurance for my follow-ups and more over our meds without Kaiser are get this about $3000/month. YIKES.So of course that kinda depressed me yesterday. No job no $$ for bills or selfish me no money for the 50th party I've been so looking forward to. But God!!Darling Hubby's been painting my foyer for the last week. Long story. Wrong color. Changed it now it;s all better. But I have an area that really needed an extra something. Since I paint murals, I just thought I'd whip out my paint kit and put something up there. But what. I tried bricks, antiquing the wall etc. But nothing worked. I was so depressed I just lost my creativity. I know better. I know that depression is a lie of the devil, making us feel defeated. So I did talk to God about how I felt. That I had no business letting what I see with my earthly eyes get to me. I serve the God of Job. I serve the God of Moses and Abraham. The God that can do anything. And I know that my little life is important to HIM.So this morining I have an ephiany!! Use the gold metallic paint to paint leaves. It worked!!! It looks beautiful. And then I knew that everything would be alright. God showed me in that little moment. That even my little wall was important to Him, if it was important to me.I know somehow it will all work out and I will get my surgery and be just fine!!!

Monday, July 28, 2008

Here's an Ephiany I nearly missed!!

So I'm getting ready for church. Grant it some people don't understand why its so important for me to look my best in public, after all I am the FAT chick. But for me I don't want to stand out as the sloppy fat chick or the fat chick with no style. I haven't given into being fat. I have accepted it but not given in to it. So, as I'm getting dressed for church, find my top which is usually the problem for me. Carefully select the top and the pants or skirt will be easy. Well yesterday I selected a top I love, It's black and gray and white. and of course no print or florals........ every fat chicks worst enemy!! So then I grab my black slacks, I bought them in Feb. and they fit fine then. But on me they looked horrible. They were too big. So I grabbed the gray slack which I purchased the same time, same basic pant - different color. And for some odd reason they didn't fit either. I was late and this was ticking me off. I grabed a black skirt. and it looked awful with that top. Minutes later my closet looked like hurricane "Faye" had struck. I finally reached for the last skirt hanging, a gray skirt that I hadn't worn in forever because it was too tight. It fit finally!!! Ieft the house in a huff cuz now I was late.You're thinking, if it's such a problem then why not get your stuff ready the night before, right. Well I have a good answer for that! It's 2 fold. I don't know if really dare share my deep dark secret..... okay because we're friends here goes. Hello, my name is Faye and I'm an emotional dresser. Whew there I said it! I dress emotionally. What I feel I look good in at night my not be how I feel in the morning. So rather than do it twice I just wait. And the other reason is things don't fit the same from night to day. I don't know why that is, it just is.In all of that I didn't stop to notice the positive. Some things are just too big. Dang! I missed it!! I didn't get to enjoy the moment because I was so stressed on what to wear!!! How wrong was I? How sad is that? I get what I've been waiting for and miss the whole point.

I See A Light....

on July 28, 2008 11:46 am
At the end of the tunnel there is a small flicker. I can see it now. I couldn't see that until this morning when I weighed in at my GOAL!!! Early this morning my son, told me "Mom, did you get on the scale yet" I said, " no, not yet. I'll do it later'He said: "Mom you just woke up and you know you lose weight when you sleep, you should check".What he thinks is that the sleeping makes you lose weight, because the morning weight is always lower.So when I finally got on and saw that wonderful ( who'd a thunk 241 could be so wonderful to me) number I yelled out to him, praised God and jumped around all with in 1 second. He came calmin down the stairs and hugged me and said "see, I told you".I am so looking forward to getting a serious handle on my weight. I am so looking forward to watching the lbs drop quickly!!

Thursday, July 24, 2008

I still haven't grasp the cigar!!

You know that old saying "close but no cigar"? That's me and my goal. I get so close to it then poof in an instant it again escapes me. I really gotta get on this and push past it. So I can have some breathing room. There are minutes when I feel dang I've lost kind of a lot of weight and there are days when I feel fatter than ever, like bloated with out being bloated. But I'm learning an important lesson, when I feel bloated, I don't necessarily weigh more, nor is it when I feel all thin, do I necessarily weigh more. Funny how that works, not humorous but peculiar.Several months ago. I walked into a clothing store and a woman came up to me and told me that I'd be thin, the Lord showed her that. She encouraged me to have faith in what God would do. I did!!! It's been sitting in my closet ever since. She told me be brave and go for a smaller size, the size I'd like to be and don't limit God. But I picked a size 16! Now I giggle when I think that no longer will statisfy me. I mean it would but my expecations are now higher. Or should I say smaller. hee hee!!I'm so excited I have wanted my entry to our house painted along with the Loft and the halls. Finally to day we began. I can't really help DH on this project my left shoulder has been hurting, no it's not what you think, it's an ongoing arthertic problem. Anyway I will try to help him on Saturday. The area is huge!!! It's gonna take a few days. Poor guy works so darn hard. He doesn't seem to mind, but I do. He's a wonderful, Father, provider and Husband , in EVERY way. I am truly blessed to have such a wonderful, godly man.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

The silence can be deafening!!

I didn't sleep well last night. I tossed and turned and prayed about what I'm about to do. Not that I think I'm making a mistake. Not at all. I know for me this is sooo important. But about my vanity! Yeah. One thing that's driving me now is my stomach. It looks so bad. I've been fat all of my life. I'm used to it. But in the last few years I have grown a belly. I used to be able to hide it, but not anymore. It's there for all the world to see. See I told you I was vaine.Anyway. I pray constantly that God will give me the grace and the wisdom to accept the body that I will soon have. I really don't recommend this surgery for the young. It's too drastic, you have such a long life ahead and you don't want to spend it with a re-wired metabolism. That's my perspective. As I've said a hundred times I'm gonna be 50 ( now in just a few short weeks). My skin is not what it used to be. I can see the effects of the years of carrying this weight very obviously now. My wirnkled arms are sad. My hands although they are very skinny, dang near boney, they are the hands of an elderly woman. My inner thighs cry out for some support. Why does this bother me now when it never did before?Were my feelings hidden? Is it that the 50 is screaming so loudly that I can't just ignore it? Or is it simply that I see the light at the end of the tunnel and I have no rose colored glasses to view it with? Is the reality of looking old coming too quick to suddenly?Whatever the reason. I thank God daily for giving me this opportunity to make a long awaited and important change. I know this will be good for me. I want to be on the loosers bench so bad I can taste it!

Monday, June 30, 2008

Another Mile Stone!

What the heck am I talking about every dang lb to me is a milestone!!! I am in full swing on this weight loss thing. Down 27lbs only 9 more to go. I meet the surgeon on 7/11. I'd love to have lost my 9 by then but to be honest whatever I lose will make me happpy. Some interesting events this weekend. Ordered a hamburger instead of Ribs at Tony Romas. Dunno why I just did. Good news is I didn't want the bread, just cut up that burger and ate it with a fork...LOL I was all annoyed by those people ordering their lettuce wrapped burgers a couple of years ago. To me what was the point the bread made the burger, for that matter just order something else. Full Circle baby!!! Now it's me!! and to top it off I couldn't finish the patty alone!!! LOL. That's without the surgery.I also did an other bad thing. I had top ramen. I don't like the soup so what I do is cook per directions, Drain it fry it in pam, add green onion and soy sauce ( in Hawaii that's fried saimin!!!) Da bes!!! Anyway I could eat 2-3 pkgs at one sitting in the past. I barely finished it today. And regretted it... I was just too full for so long.This is NOT the time to be messing up!!!!

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Finally...

on June 24, 2008 7:58 am
I'm finally back at 12 lbs from Goal!!! It's been extremely hard. I cannot believe that it's taken me this long to get back on track. I don't wanna see those lbs again!!! I've set a goal for me to lose the last 12 (or more) by July 11 that' the date I meet the surgeon!!! That's just over 2wks away!! Dunno how but I gotta get it done.

Monday, June 16, 2008

Eh ya win some ya lose some!

Dang when I read my titles I sound all bi-polar! LOLI'm not behaving my self in Resturants. I don't make good choices to as of Saturday I was up now 6lbs. But God is good and I got a bad belly ache at 3am this morning!!! NUF said.I'm lost 3 lbs. now only a mear 15 from goal!!!

Friday, June 13, 2008

BOO-HOO

on June 13, 2008 8:11 am
It all started with having to get to my son's baseball playoff game. (HEY BLAME THE KID, WHY NOT?) I don't get off work till 4pm. Nothing in the fridge! So I as my DH to grab us something quick so we are not starving through the game. That should have been a good thing... after all game went into over time... we won!!! Oh back to my sad story. So DH goes to Panda Express (chinese). I order a small container of Chow Mein. Okay I know that was dumb but.. I thought I need something filiing you know how chinese makes you hungry a short time later. So I ate the darn thing and off to the game. Over-time like I said. It's fathers day weekend so I needed to buy him something, cousin came by so off to the mall at 8:45. Then she hadn't eaten so stopped at Taco Bell for her. Grabed her food and an IceTea for me. Now I'm sitting watching TV as she's chowin' down. I see a burger commercial. WAAWAA, so DH goes out to get me a nations burger. Oh , I do it up big cuz I'm "hungry". Yep I Cheesburger w/ bacon and Fries - -- I don't even like fries!! It was delicious so long since I had something that good and sinful. STUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUPIDToday . . . duh duh duhhhhh (melodramatic pause) wait for it.....up 4lbs.Anyone else can eat that and not do that much damage but for me hey I got nothing else to do but gain weight. No deadlines, No goals I' was bored. Dang.... all that cottage cheese for breakfast, and darn tuna with LF mayo on carrot chips down the drain!!!

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Yipee!!!

So I am down 24lbs with only 12 lbs to go!!! I gotta say it hasn't been that bad. But it was so HARD to get STARTED!!! That was the hardest part getting motivated. I'm moving closer so it does help. I have days where I want something bad, I fight it for as long as I can, sometimes I win, sometimes I lose and eat the darn thing . I haven't totally blown it though, I've still got restraint even on those gotta have it days. The guilt is overwhelming though. I keep telling my self I could've been a lb closer if I'd stuck to it better. But water under the bridge. It's all on me right now no "pouch" telling me when to stop. That's good training for when my "pouch" stops speaking to me. LOL

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

This is horrible

All I can say is I gained 2 more lbs. now I'm 22lbs from goal. CRAP!!! I'm frustrated. I bought a sweat suite someone said sweat it off.. didn't work for me.. I get night sweats but I couldn't sweat an inch with the dang suite. I just don't sweat!!! I upped to 1200 cals not working!!! I would be crushed but I'm to ticked off. LOL!!!

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Having a "poor me" moment

I can't believe I gained 2 lbs... - so my total loss is at 9lbs ( was at 13) which means I am now 20 lbs from goal If you've read all my blogs i messed up in lbs needed to be gone!! Nonetheless!!! I have been swamped at work putting out little fires and getting so behind I don't take a break so I don't walk and don't drink enough so it's all my fault. Just sick of the drama want it over now!!! I'm so tired! I wanna be insulin free NOW!! Yeah I did this to myself and in order for WLS to be successful I gotta do the drama. Just needed to VENT!!!

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Wha wha what????

On Friday I spoke to the RN at KP Fremont. Good and bad news. Good news is found way into an earlier orientation (thanks to Ghouliegal) . So I'll be ahead by like nearly a month!!! I lost 13 lbs... hovering between 12-13 lost depending on the day or the hour. But my goal weight before the surgery is gonna be 28 MORE lbs than I've already lost. That will be my thinnest weight as an adult!! What the heck??? But I gotta do what I gotta do!!! No crying in weight loss. Well there is and lots of it. You feel me, right? So I suck it up and keep on tryin' . I went to the dentist yesterday cuz I thought I'd aim for the whole new look get my teeth done, look all prettied up before my big 50... another bombshell. This Friday I need a root canal.. what? I wasn't even in pain... often! That's right up there on my favorite things to do too. Yep right up there with getting my finger nails pulled out one at a time with my head in a vise grip and a bowl of cold stone staring at me!!! As for the work I really wanted done on my smile... wait till end of 2008/2009. Dang another set back... this is gonna be a very hard year!!! But to be honest hard seems to come easy to me! (?) I know God has his hand over me no matter what I see so I'm really okay with all of this.. HE'S NEVER failed me yet!!!

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

I'M APPROVED!!!!

I just found out that I didn't need an approval!!! My last approval is still valid! Yipee!! But that's not what they told me in April!!! I have to go to another orientation meeting since the program is changed but, that's 6/29/08. Hopefully I can get into that sooner!!

Friday, May 2, 2008

Yeah! So I'm not that good at waiting....

I couldn't take it, I called Fremont to see if my PCP definitely referred me. And he did. BUT receptionist told me this was my third attempt at the surgery and that my referral was pending approval. My mouth dropped!! That made me panic. I just got dropped from the program for the 1st time in Jan. of this year!! That was my only drop!! Here's my thought. If I were the decision maker and a patient had already dropped twice I'd be hard pressed to allow them into the program again. I mentioned that to the receptionist and she blew me off!! So I left a message with the program coordinator and followed up with registered snail mail. It's not that I wanna make a big deal about it but dang I'd hate to get denied due to incorrect information!!! This is too important to me!!!

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Another Day another Inch

I got my results in for some blood work I had done. For the first time in a long time my A!C is at 8.3 which is still bad but no longer in the danger zone ( I used to be at a 12 ) My good cholesteral is low and my a bad cholesteral is also low. So over all I'm doing okay. I have lost the weight I gained over the weekend and one more so I am finally down 11 lbs only 15 more to go!!!There's got to be a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm holding on till next week before I start checking in at Fremont Bariatric I don't want to bother them but they did forget me last time. So I am not gonna let that happen again!!! I WILL NOT BE FORGOTTEN!!!
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Today, I checked i lost a total of 3.5 inches!! That's good and I did lose my weight I gained over the weekend. I think I'm at 9 lbs lost! But since KP Fremont , isn't checking inches that doesn't hold a lot of weight with me. I am going to give Fremont one week to approve me before I start calling them. I really cannot afford for them to forget me again. I am after all unforgettable!! At least I think so!!!

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

This was the day... he finally did it!!!

My Doctor finally came back and let me know he sent my info in to Fremont!!!! Now I just wait for a letter from Fremont. As for my weight it's still fluctuating even though I'm hanging on. So hopefully I will have some breakthrough that will help me keep motivated.

Friday, April 25, 2008

Down 10 lbs!!

Yipee!! I finally did it!! I hit the 10lbs mark!! only 16lbs to go. I am so looking forward to this surgery now, more than ever before. Okay... to everyone, once you get involved in this site... you can't just stop!! You gotta keep updating it everyonce in awhile... I depend on your stories to keep me motivated!!!! And I know cannot be the only one or this site would be a flop!!!

Finally Moving- Can it be?

Okay so I'm down.... 9.5 lbs! Only 2.25" ( dang straight I'm gonna count that 1/4" I worked for every millimeter). So I guess I'm doing okay. The alternative would be 0 lost. So by MY estimate I need to only lose 17lbs to go. And you know that'll only take me another week. I am so looking forward to my PCP returning to work!!! I am gonna call him first thing to remind him to get the referral to Fremont, asap and he has to write on there RETURNING PATIENT!! I need every edge I can get.I'm still walking every day about 1/4 a mile or more in. It's gotten better but it's still difficult for me to really walk. I can jog for 1:45 min and I'm really proud of that.