I AM SOOOO SORRY!!!

I have to apologise, it seems I forgot my login to get here!!! What a dork! But I'm good now.


So what's new well lemme see....

1. I weigh 186, 86lbs lost! Not just mis-placed!



2. I am struggling to keep my 17 Jrs jeans on, they are falling off. Not whinin' just stating a fact! I can sag like a gangsta in them.

I CAN and do fit into some size 12 jeans!! Yeppers!!

2. I feel flat when I lay down. What the heck does that mean, unless you've been through this you'll NEVER understand.
3. 
   
   
4. Sick? Who me? Yep nearly everyday that I eat dinner at home I get way too full way too fast. I KNOW I'm not getting in enough protien or calories. But I can't! I can eat the following things comfortably for the most part. I can get sick on this but it's usually pretty good!

• 1-2 oz of ham,



• 1/2 to 3/4 of a tostada from Taco Bell -- say it with me oooo healthy.



• Crackers any type no more than 3 or 4



• Baby food- fruit only!!!



• Mexican Pizza from Taco Bell-- again oooo healthy!

But I'm so darn frustrated and feeling so guilty about not eating right I eat what I can. I can take in about 3-4 spoons of clam chowder. Maybe 3-4 oz of Campbells soup. Pozole no longer works for me.

1. I drink HOT tea all day long usually just under a gallon over the course of an entire day.
2. My hair is seriously falling out FAST!! I mean REally fast! I can now feel my scalp through my hair. I've always had "too much Hair" according to the stylists but now even the stylist I have noticed the change. When I first got my hair cut it was holding that style so well now it's kinda fly away looking. Yeah to those whos hair is already thin, they just don't understand but us think haired people struggle with hair so thin.
3. My right knee still hurts. Going up the stairs can be hard at night or first thing in the morning!
4. I'm coooooooooooooooooooooolllllllllllllllllllllllddddddddddddd so cold! All the time! But I still hate jackets and hold on to my theory "the reason I'm fat is God is preventing me from being a nudest".
5. Old, my skin is old and saggy and not in a good way. I could pass for 75 or even 90yrs old if you look at certain areas of my legs or arms. I'll not be able to wear shorts ( which I LIVE in in the Summer) nor will I be able to even wear a regular T-shirt. Tooo much saggy skin. HONESTLY. I'm not being vain her that's the truth!
6. I'm considering starting a fundrasing activity to finance my upcoming cosmetic surgeries, you know: Breast, Legs and Arms. Any ideas???
7. And last but certainly NOT least. I fit into my 12yr olds jacket. He WANTS me to wear it. He's so proud of his Mama!

My Sizes Are Changing

Wow I went shopping on Friday night (you skinny people won't understand, LOL) I wanted to try on some pants. I have soooo many problems with pants, always have. So I wanted to see what size I'm wearing. I have only purchased one pair of jeans since surgery, because they all look bad on me or don't fit. I fit into a 16 pretty good but one style of jeans only worked well in a 14! What? No kidding. I also found a cute top in a - wait for it- 14 too! Dang. Like an infomercial -- But wait theres' more.

So the next day I was hangin wit my homies. We went to lunch THEN TRIED ON CLOTHES that's always been taboo for me. But we did it. I could actually shop with my friends not complain about being in the "Barbie" department. One of the "girls" kept bringing me stuff to try I tried them all some fit some didn't but the shocking thing for me is she brought me a 17 Jrs I didn't even know it exsisted and it fit!! And a Large top and it fit. NOT a 22!!! I felt so good I bought them both. Since I'm going through all these unbelievable changes I don't wanna spend alot on my clothes and it worked out well as my total was like under $20. Sooooooooooo awesome! Thank God for Clearance Sales.

So to recap. In Feb '07 I weighed in at 272lbs. Pre-surgery I weighed in at 239 -- today 14 weeks post op I'm at 192!! Start size slipping between a 22 and 24 now a teetering between 16 and 14's!! No Way!!! And the best part is I'm not done!

I can wear a 14?

Today I bought a size 14 shirt and 14 pant and a Large shirt and a 17 jrs pant! I couldn't believe it when Paula insisted the 17 jr. I was shocked!!!

Every day you can learn something new.

What I learned today is something I've known for a while. Compliments and I are not friends. I try really hard to not look frumpy no matter what I've weighed. I don't think I've always suceeded but I've tried. So today I was told by a dear and good friend, to stop. Stop what? Here's the example. I've lost 77lbs to date. If someone compliments me I find the negative in it. If they say I look good I follow that up with something bad, just so they know I'm not snowing myself that I'm aware I'm not perfect. The part that struck me was that those who compliement me almost always will say it out of kindness, I minimize their compliments by adding the negative ant that could make them feel bad. THAT'S NOT MY INTENT. I'm sorry to any one that I've offended in this manner. I work hard to keep up my appearance and I thank you for noticing. Pardon me for being so selfish to not accept your compliment more gracefully! I will work on it.

For those who check daily-- no loss today! But it's coming soon!!!!

Nothing to Report.

No: weight change, food change, job, money but I still got JESUS!!!

Eating is still Bizarre.

Still having trouble getting food down. Cheese Cheese Cheese is all that works but not quite an ounce with 1-3 crackers and Hot Tea. But the lbs are moving.!!!

tuff, tough or tauff....

No matter how you spell it, it's been a day I should never forget! I am to some extent a creature of habbit. I tend to repeat things that gives me joy or thing that took some effort to accomplish. Resturants are things I enjoyed. Being a christian we don't drink, party or go dancin ( I really miss the dancin) so we have built a social life around resturants. Since the surgery I still think of resturants that we can go to as our 'entertainment', I imagine what I'd like to eat, I order it and of course 2 bites then I'm done..... poor DH isn't even done and I'm rushing him out because now that I'm full I hate the thought of being there where others are eating Yuck! I feel guilty but it does make me wanna vomit!!!It happened today we went out for Breakfast, I had toast and a boiled egg. My family just got started and I wanted to chuck just seeing them and HEARING them. I was sooooooo full. About an hour later I was hungry I held out for 3 hours then I was beyond starving. I shared a meal with my son, DH got dessert... about 3 bites I was done then had to watch them scarf down their meal. By the time we got home I was nauseated just from watching them, so I went to bed. sooooooooooo sad! My poor family!

Happy New Year- And watch the lbs DROP!

This morning Jan 1 of 2009 I weighed in at a whopping 196lbs. What more can I say I'm thrilled!!! Who'd a thunk? Now-- I'm not the one in the car who can make it low on one side.I'm having a tough time finding clothing in a "fat chick" store.NONE of my pants fit, but when I try on new ones they look worse -- no legs anymore!I can see the end is nearer!!! I NEVER wanna see those lbs again!

I must have drank soap... cuz I'm FOAMIN'

I've had a tough day.... I have been craving something all day... nothing particular nor satisfying. But I tried. So tonight out of desperation I asked DH to get me some chinese soup, wonton..... that's all it took. I vomited ( which normally has brought nasty but quick releif not today!!! It's been an hour and I'm still feeling AWFUL! I want it to end. But you sow what you reap. I've been foaming for about 1/2 hour no end in sight!!

I'm always sick or full.

Hmm not sure what's going on for me but everyday I'm sick either full or foods not sitting right. It doesn't matter what I eat! Everyday is tough but that really helps me throught the Holidays not much food for faye! LOL.Hopefully I'll feel better come the new year and still lose weight!

199 and feeling fine!

This was one of my goals....to be under 200! First time I ever remember being under 200lbs. I still look fat but who cares.... the scales not lying ( this time LOL). I can wear my hubbys jacket ( large mens) my 12 yr old 90lb sons sweatshirt ( large boys) now to be honest it fits and zips but if I were to move too much it would burst the zipper. LOL. But I can get it on! The bra that fits best is a 38D!!! The only smaller size I can remember is 7th grade 36 C... Yikes. I cannot eat so many things. Puerto Rican rice makes me "foam" regular rice goes okay but no more than a table spoon. I'm getting in almost all the required liquids as long as I stick to hot tea. I feel good though and I don't think I look ill. Everyday I have a problem eating... very uncomfortable but at least the weights coming off again. So it don't matter how yucki I feel. it passes. My hair is coming out!!

Get the Cramp outta here!

on December 18, 2008 4:11 amPublished
For the last couple of years, everytime I've bent over I would feel a really strong cramp in my upper abdomen. It got to the point I would try to contort myself whenever I had to pick something up so that I could avoid the pain. Yesterday I noticed the cramp is gone. I bent over no problem!!! I never told anyone about this because I knew it was due to too much belly fat! Too embarrasing. Losing this much weight in a short period of time is hard to grasp. I look in the mirror and see a difference, I look in the scale and see it moving (albeit slowly) but I don't see what others see, a supposedly, enormous change. It's that old tale, once you're fat you never go back... NO WAIT NOT THAT ONE!! It's once you're fat you never see anyone other than a fat chick looking back at you in the mirror!!! Yeah that's the one. NOT like I'm skinny by anymeans but I think I'm probably thinner than what I see.

Hair Falling out!

Well it's happened my hair is falling out. It's been going for a year now, but I can see it more rapidly in the last couple of days. But I knew it would come, I'm just hoping it's not too bad. And what I do lose comes back.My appetite is pretty low right now. Just not in the mood to eat more cheese I guess. That's all that's really going down well. That and hot tea, matter of fact that's how I'm getting my liquids all hot tea all day, about 5-6 10 oz cups! Just not hungry though. No, really, Faye's not hungry??

I was off by a week but...

I was off by a week, it's been over 3 weeks, Oct. 29th is when I stopped losing weight. I called in to KP fremont and spoke to the nurse. She then alerted Dr. Chu about my "plateau". She again told me the same thing "not to worry" I lost so much in the first month that I shouldn't be concerned. My body may be in starvation mode. I'm not getting enough calories, and so on. BUT When I was calling about the "pain" for weeks with no one listening, once I screamed loud enough, I was told it was gastritis and here's some medicine that will fix the problem. I don't think until KP Tracy got involved did she stop to listen.So now I'm bloated every day, and I have not only not lost but gained, count them 7 lbs!! I think there's something else wrong. But I cannot get her to understand.

No weight change yet! Nearly 4 wks. eeek! [Edit Post]

I guess my body either thinks it likes being fat in spite of the surgery, or I'm not eating enough or NOT even such a drastic measure can help this fat chick. Relax, just kidding.I'm about to email my Dr. I am feeling bloated. My stomach feels huge. I'm still on carafate but not as often. I feel a real need for a (pardon me) bowel movement. I just don't feel satisfied after I go. I dunno what to think. But over all I feel fine other than this current problem. No dizziness in about 4 days or so.Good news? Well I used to have to get up a minimum of 2x's a night to go pee, darn diabetes, but now I just don't. That's good that means when I can sleep I don't get interrupted with that.I was bored this morning so I went to Walmart to walk around. I stopped in the Women's clothing section and tired on several things in an 18 that fit! And a pair of slacks in a 16 that fit too. All I bought was a little top in an 18 but I got it off of the clearance rack for $3. That's a first!!!Over the weekend we went to Mervyn's closeout sale, most of which was NOT Mervyn's product, the quality was that of clothing you might find in the DOLLAR store. But they had a few things that were still of quality. I bought 1 top, 1 SouthPole short and a dress short and a pair of heels. Along with what my son got it only cost $50!!! Yipee!!! I haven't worn the heels yet. I'm a little afraid, I've had bad ankles for years but they feel better now so we'll see this Sunday! Here’s something so strange to me. When I wore a 22 I could hold the clothing up and decide if it would fit just by holding it up. I can still do that. So weird I guess I can feel what fits without trying it on. I mean you’d think it would take a while to adjust but no! Hmmm.

6 WK Post Op Check up! [Edit Post]

So I saw the surgeon on Wed. I didn't have any real news to post so I didn't. She's not a bit concerned about me NOT losing anymore weight. I mean I know I lost 27lbs within the first month. But now, nothing for nearly 3 wks. I go up and down 2-4lbs. I think it's too early to plateau. She did say that I'm only getting in about 50% of the protein I need to get in daily. Honestly, that's on a good day. She also recommended I eat protein all day long everytime I can. I still cannot tolerate the protein drinks. So this is very hard. I feel so full like a stuffed pig!!! The bloating kinda came back yesterday. The Dr. put me on my final stage ( stage 4 ) diet which is pretty much where I'll be for the rest of my life. So I got brave yesterday and had about 1t. full of egg with chorizo ( I removed all the oil as it cooked ) with a 4" corn torilla with cheese. I couldn't get that down. I felt bloated. So at lunch I shared a 4" soft pork taco with my DH. I couldnt get much down then either. Last night for DH's bday we went to Italian I had a piece of Chicken Carbonara, 1t of some creamy potato and spinach soup. I got most of the piece of chicken down. But later last night I was really bloated. I got up bloated and have been so all day. Oh and when you're bloated drinking is very hard. I NEED the fluid I know that. So today, I've had cheese, that same soup from last night & some turkey with gravy and about 2t of plain mashed potatoes ( sorry but I'm so tired of protein ). How do I feel? B-L-O-A-T-E-D!!!

I can't believe it!

No weight loss to date! It’s killing me. After all I’ve been through you’d think I’d lose something! But alas I’m just waiting. I’m trying to be patient. For my update. I’m feeling really well. No pain no upset stomach. I have been able to eat some chicken, which is supposed to be one of the hardest things to digest or get down. I have been able to get really really small amounts of ground beef down, well it was in an over cooked soup. I’ve had crab salad on a cracker, went down well and stayed down. I’ve also had teeny tiny pieces of pork. I am glad NO vomiting or dumping so far. I know it sounds like I’m not being careful but I really am. I can still eat no more than ½ of a scrambled egg. I’m most grateful for being able to drink again. I can drink more than a tiny sip! I do best with hot/warm liquids but I can drink cold also. But that’s just teas and my Kellogg’s K20 protein water. I now have another problem though, I get so dizzy. My BP was good so that’s not it. I’d eaten so that’s not it. Tomorrow I go for my 6 wk check up with my surgeon. Hopefully I’ll get to my fourth and final stage of foods. I’m craving some lettuce, believe it or not.

Soooo much better!

Hello everyone, Can you tell I’m feeling good? I’m doing wonderfully. I’m feeling better every day and I have accomplished a lot. I’m pain free. My only thing now is I think I need to reduce my BP meds cuz I get dizzy if I move around too much or too quickly. While ( finally ) getting to really clean my house I kept getting dizzy spells. But I just sat till it passed. I cooked for company and it all went well. So I’m back BABY. No more weight loss, but I’m being patient!

This is CRAZY

First off no weight change in days. Still 211. So all the pain last night the belly portion is better. But the breast pain persisted so bad today that I went in to Kaiser the doctor determined the breast pain is most likely an inflamed chest bone or high rib. The pain is in the bone when she pressed the bone there was the pain but it does shoot through the breast. So she recommended higher doses of Tylenol due to my inablitiy to take NSAIDS or Narcotics. Called the surgeon and found that I can take a Toradol shot, now just waiting for them to let me know when I can come in.So the turkey must have been to large for me yesterday, because I was in pain all night.

And the day only got worse.

It's 12:42am and I can't sleep! After the whole dehydration thing this morning I stopped at the grocery store and got a deli slice of turkey and some gravy. It went down well. Maybe too well I've been sick now for over 12 hours. I mean in soooo much belly pain. I just wanna cry. It's like that full feeling I had days ago only so much worse. Usually if I go to sleep I wake up better NOT the case. Nothing's helping. My nerves are wrecked. I also have some serious breast pain. Straight through the nipple. No relief. I've been praying all day. My DH prayed but no relief as yet. I wanna scream! I have so much to do in the next few days with the funeral of my hubbys Aunt. I've been feeling so good we made plans with friends for Saturday night and of course our friday night ritual which I haven't been able to do, take my stepson to the bay area, then shop for some much needed clothes. As of right now I wanna cancel everything!! I guess I'll just have to wait and see. Please keep me in your prayers. I'm so tired. I need some peace in this old body.